Sunday, February 11, 2007

"Do Not Use On or Around Mucous Membranes"

I think that's about as close as any shampoo, cream or other cosmetic product warning label will get to coming right out and saying: "Don't use this product as a jackoff lube!"

But how can they expect young, experimental masturbators to interpret that kind of talk-around-the-subject talk?

Mr Ally asked me the other day if I had posted about his "Herbal Essence Tragedy" on my blog yet. And indeed I haven't yet! The story sort of tells itself without telling, but here goes:

As a young masturbator, Mr Ally experimented with many food items, household objects, and slippery substances in his quest for the perfect jackoff assistant (which turns out 25 years later to be ME, but that's another story...) One day, he sees the Herbal Essence ("the green kind", he says), in the shower. Naked penis + privacy of the shower + slippery shampoo = perfect opportunity for masturbation!

Not so faaaaaast...

Long story short, this innocent attempt at a quickie orgasm turns into a weeks-long affliction with a red, scaly, flakey, peeling penis.

Not sexy.

"Did you tell your mom? Did you go to the doctor?"

"No way!" he says. "I didn't want them to know that I was masturbating!"

Poor little Mr Ally! So he dealt alone with the fear that he would wake up one of those frigtening days during the Herbal Essence affliction and his poor little penis would have sloughed off during his sleep.

Fortunately for both of us, that didn't happen.

But he asked that I give the warning to the young masturbators of the world, and so, I have.

11 comments:

Princess Grace said...

I know I should not laugh at this....but...I can giggle a little. But yes that is so bad! This is why I think we do people a huge disservice hiding sexuality and yes masturbation. If we all just opened up, these tragic things *softly giggling* would not happen! I have an adult male friend who still to this day claims never to have masturbated...OMG please?! If he is not fibbing, which he must, what is wrong with him?? lol

Ok off to try to stop giggling at Mr Allys sloughing off parts lol

Princess Grace
http://psoprincess.blogspot.com/

The Masturbatrix said...

It's all the more funny since you've sat and had dinner with him! Hahaha - I asked him if he minded me sharing all these intimate stories in a forum where it's possible that some of you with whom we've socialized might learn his dirty little stroking secrets...

Not surprisingly, he doesnt mind at all!

I agree, if everyone would just open up, the perverse wouldn't be considered so perverted. Hopefully sites like this, and The Masturbation Interviews will function as a starting point for people opening up about what they REALLY do, and once people realize "everyone else is doing it" - they wont feel so ashamed.

Ally

Mike Stewart said...

Ah yes most of us professional (even amateur!) masturbators have learned the hard way that soap and shampoo can make great jack off lubes but you have to be careful not to let any of that stuff get inside the uretha. I wonder what that's a dose of the clap feels like? Fortunately I never had to find that out! Cheers!

R2K said...

: )

sexy 69er in lincs said...

Hi, i've just found your blog, it's awsome, i'm going to sit here for the next few hours reading it, anyway, regards:-

not just soap but some moisturising creams, i found out by accident when i was about 15, it makes the foreskin shrink :-(


please could you checkout my blog, it's new and i'd love you to the be the first to comment.

thanks

Raincloud said...

check these religious freaks out, they need taking in hand
http://handsacrossoceanministry.wordpress.com/

Karin said...

Ouch, that sounds so painful. I guess this guy couldn't cum for a while...

David Webb said...

"I have an adult male friend who still to this day claims never to have masturbated...OMG please?!"


He's probably embarrassed or ashamed. I've never openly admitted it to any of my friends, especially any of my female friends. I'd be worried about what they thought of me, especially my female friends who I have fantasized about.

The Masturbatrix said...

I spoke with someone recently who said that his wife caught him masturbating in the shower, and was shocked. Ensuing conversations revealed that she assumed once they were married, he would and did stop masturbating.

Come on people, communication is key! Jack off in front of your partner and let her know YES, you DO masturbate, as much and as often as possible! There is no benefit in hiding it, and MUCH benefit in sharing.

majors2410 said...

Very nice to find a blog where a gorgeous woman gives her views on male masturbation in an open forum. I agree that masturbation shoud be more open. Your so right Ally about openly jacking off in front of your partner. As a single male I jack off in front of many women. Its good safe sex and fun for all. Its nice to find out what open minded ladies think of my cock.

mk said...

Indian girls Hot Desi 3x Sex Xxx 3gp mp4 HD Video Free Download


»------------ European Sex (137)


»------------ Cumshot Sex (107)


»----------- Blowjob Sex (311)


»------------ Hot Sites (Ads)


»------------ Sex In Office (762)


»------------ Teen Sex (277)+7


»------------- Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»------------- Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»------------ Hardcore Sex (386)


»------------- European Sex (137)


»------------ Cumshot Sex (107)


»------------- Blowjob Sex (311)


»------------- Big Tits Sex (334)


»------------- Hot Sites (Ads)


»------------- Sex In Office (762)


»------------- Teen Sex (277)+7


»------------- Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»------------- Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»------------- Hardcore Sex (386)


»-------------- European Sex (137)


»-------------- Cumshot Sex (107)


»------------- Blowjob Sex (311)


»-------------- Big Tits Sex (334)


»-------------- Big Dick Sex (243)


»------------- Hot Sites (Ads)


»------------- Sex In Office (762)


»------------- Teen Sex (277)+7


»------------- Pornstar Sex (910)+10


»------------- Lesbian Sex (223)+22


»------------- Hardcore Sex (386)


»------------- European Sex (137)


»------------- Cumshot Sex (107)


»------------- Blowjob Sex (311)


»-------------- Big Tits Sex (334)


»-------------- Big Dick Sex (243)


»--------------- Asian Sex (148)






























































































































































































































































































































































































































lllllllllll