Sunday, January 14, 2007

Spaghetti Shoebox Fuck

Oh tell me you haven't heard of the spaghetti shoebox fuck?

I mean I thought everyone had tried it at least twice...

I was about 21 when I first started talking naughty on the phone. I was on a call with a man who wasn't saying much, and I asked what he was doing over there, on the other side of the line.

He says: "Well...I have a shoebox full of spaghetti and I am fucking it."

I didn't get it. I was only 21, and an innocent 21 at that (despite the fact that now - then/now - I was an innocent 21 year old fledgling phone sex operator.)

So I asked him to explain what the hell he was talking about.

He said: "Well, I took a shoebox, cut a hole in the end of it..."

Now the picture was becoming clearer...

"And then I cooked up a box of spaghetti, drained it, dumped it in the shoebox, let it cool down..."

Please note: don't fuck a scolding hot box of spaghetti. "Must let spaghetti cool down." Add that to your spaghetti fuck instructions, please.

"And now I am sliding my dick in and out of the hole. Feels good!"

Mmmmm pasta.

Later that week, I told my mom about the spaghetti fuck, while we were driving in the car together. She seemed like she was listening. When I was done telling her the story, she said:

"Oh wow, look at that house over there, it's STILL for sale!"

There are things you can tell moms, and then things you can't. Evidently, they don't mind if you are a phone sex operator, but they don't want to hear about spaghetti shoebox fucks.

Make a note of that.

Ally
The World's Only Spaghetti Shoebox Fuck Masturbatrix

5 comments:

Mac said...

I have a psychologist friend who told me that there is absolutely nothing, repeat nothing, that the human mind can conjure up sexually that hasn't already been tried. This tends to challenge his statement. I wonder if he ate the spaghetti after he finished?

The Masturbatrix said...

Your phone sex operator friend concurrs with your psychologist friend's statement. The only fantasies that I have encountered only once in my career are:

1. the guy who called and wanted to listen to me blowdry my hair - not talk sexy while doing it, just listen to the hair dryer

2. spaghetti shoeboxfuck

3. The guy who called and wanted to insert matchbox fire engines into his butt while we talked...but that turned out to be Mr Ally screwing around with me, so I don't know if that one counts, officially...

Ally
Masturbatrix

Ace said...

Note to self... Don't read Ally's blog on your laptop while you're sitting at your table eating pasta.

Now I'm gonna have to go turn on my hair dryer until my appetite returns.

Sonia said...

Errrr... wow, I've never heard of this before. Mind you, I've heard of the old water mellon with a hole in it. And I guess American Pie was mainstream - we all know what that was about. And... wait a minute... what happened in Meet The Parents? Didn't Ben Stiller make some comment about Owen Wilson resourcefully fashioning a jar of beetroot into a pleasure device?
Keep wanking boys! Lady Sonia UK

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